To those of you who read my post from last week, thank you ever so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. They mean a lot to me. Even though losing close ones to death is part of life and none of us are sparred, it feels good to get some good words and the wishes they represent.
This process is grueling, especially for Alice but also for the entire family. WP's sister has been taking on the majority of Alice's care but we had to force her to go home and rest because she is falling apart. Emotionally, she is extremely fragile as it is and prone to drama, so it's been difficult trying to convince her that she doesn't need to martyr herself and allow the rest of us to help out. This is no easy task.
Alice is haning in there. She's refusing morphine because she feels too doped up. This doesn't surprise me because she has always been a person who has to stay in control of herself. For this I don't blame her and yet her agitation is so severe at times that the hospice nurse strongly suggested that we had to find a way to make her take it. That was early this morning and though I checked from work, I dont' yet have a full report.
All I can say is that from my point of view there are both pros and cons to dying at home. What Alice has longed spoken of to me over the five years I've known her (a period in which she mostly enjoyed good health and a very active lifestyle) is that she believed in euthanasea for the terminally ill. I agree with her and it would be my own first choice if I could access it. Without that option, I think that it would be a very hard decision for me to make. The care of a dying person takes more than one person and it's round-the-clock. It's also very worrysome. But for Alice there has never been any doubt that this is how she wants to go. The family is respecting that but it's time to get in more help and make some changes so that she's not so aggitated and awake and aware every couple of hours. It's agonizing to watch. But all of us are being very strong. WP's wonderful daughters have been a tremendous help and a comfort to their grandmother. I'm proud of my family.
I have to run. Thank you all for reading.
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