A Flower Power Moment with Yusuf (Cat Stevens)

A very good one at that and oh, very young...

Heaven Is 10 Zillion Light Years Away

Because sometimes I believe in God and sometimes I doubt God.

"Faith is doubt"
Emily Dickinson

What's goin' On

Supergirl One found a summer job. She starts work next week at what I call a Storybook Farm just over the river from my house. It's a strawberry farm, mostly but they also have cows and sell organic milk and cheese. When SG2 visited, her new boss was making cheese and already giving her pointers. She felt very comfortable with the gentleman farmer and when he told her that the whole family is into literature and writing, that was it. She'd found her niche for the summer!

Me, I'm lacking motivation. I thought that Spring and all her glory would help me lighten my step and begin all the household projects that need doing. Not a chance. I just want to play and blog and read and eat and sleep and hang out with W.P. and SG2.

Supergirl One is still at college. Today is the last day of her campus job and it's the day where I go down to Mount Holyoke and help her pack her stuff to move into the massive UMass campus for summer session. She's determined to graduate with her class of 2009, despite massive setbacks in her freshman and sophmore years due to bipolar illness and frequent hospitilizations. She'd also battled drug reactions, a severe skin rash from a virus and low blood pressure that caused her to pass out on several occasions. I'm continuously amazed, impressed and otherwise blown away by this girl's determination and intellect. Is this my kid? It's what you get when you cross a pagan sphinx with a cunning runt! hehehehe

As an aside, I know I'm boasting and that my English friends rather look down upon we Americans for it, but....SG1's semester GPA was a 3.9. No easy feat at that overly demanding elitist school. We're thrilled and proud and in the hopes of sounding humble, it has little to do with us at this point. Hell, I wanted her to go the easy route because I was concerned her illness would drain the life out of her and she wouldn't be able to do academics at that level. That girl has proven me wrong and that's what makes me so in awe of her.

I'm gearing myself up emotionally, if not in regard to cleaning and organizing my house, for my mother's visit at the end of June. My mother, for those of you who may not know, lives in Portugal. My family (including CR) who read this blog, know and understand fully how much I adore my mother; what a good relationship we now have and how much The Supergirls look forward to basking in her unconditional love - because she is good at that. There are complications, of course.

This is a case where Love can't be everything. Supergirl One, whom my regular readers know is gay and engaged to be married to a lovely young woman, is intent on telling her grandmother that she's a lesbian. SG1 wrote to me an eloquent email explaining her reasons for this. Below is an excerpt from that email:

The choice is between upsetting her [where, honestly, the onus is on her, because she is potentially the party to be behaving negatively] and acting against my own sense of dignity and pride by lying about one of the most fundamental and important aspects of my life. The latter choice also has repercussions for my relationship and the trust I share with my partner.

My own personal worry is not that my mother will be rude or angry but that she will consider this another form of Tragedy. I grew up with the various forms of Tragedy. Besides death, illness and suffering, and natural disasters, Tragedy as defined by my Portuguese family comes in the form of Alcoholism, Adultry and anything else that disgraces one's family. She will doubless be heartbroken by the news that her lovely grandaughter is a lesbian and plans on shacking up with a girl. My mother understands that gays get married. But "gays" are those other people over there somewhere in a world she doesn't understand.

My mother is 77 years old and has been through a tremendous lot. I don't want this news to put her over the top. Honestly, I have no clue as to how she will come to grips with this. Especially without my father, who died almost three years ago. Who will help her to understand? It will have to be me, of course. When SG1 gives her grandmother the news, she'll then go back to her dorm for summer session, while I sit with my mother and help her to contemplate this. I'm worried and sad and frustrated that I have to be burdened by this! My mother will doubtless blame this tragedy on either my divorce from The Supergirls' father or the bipolar disorder, or both.

To complicate things, my Portuguese is not what it used to be and certain things are just so hard to labor into translation. I have this upstanding, proud family where I am the only member of the immediate family who has divorced. It confuses me, really. We have so many nutcases in the family - depression and bipolar illness have touched the lives of several family members. But something like a same-sex relationship can put everyone over the top! WTF?

I'm projecting but with a very good scope consisting of 48 years of experience being a part of my family. We'll see what happens, but Happen it must.

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Dear Friends,

I wonder if you could take a moment to keep my friend singingbear in your prayers and thoughts. His serious health issues have recently taken a turn for the worse.


He asks that anyone who believes in the power of prayer to think of him.



The bear postcard is dedicated to singingbear and his post from earlier this week, about automobiles! You'll have to tell me which most closely resembles you, singingbear! ;-)



Take care of yourself.


Peace and love,
Pagan

National Poetry Month

The Emily Dickinson Museum

Today I headed south to Amherst, Massachusetts to visit the Emily Dickinson Museum. I've lived in Western Mass for forty years and this was my first visit.

I parked on Main Street and walked down to the Dickinson compound. On my way, I stopped at a park with beautiful flowering trees, flowers and benches.

Across the street from the park is The First Congregational Church (below). It's a gorgeous stone church which Emily's brother, Austin helped to found. Emily dickinson, I learned later, was never to step foot inside it. Calvanism wasn't her thing. She had a difficult time accepting the idea of original sin. Her religion was the natural world and the ecstacy of living.



Some keep the Sabbath going to church; I keep it staying at home,And an orchard for a dome.
~ Emily Dickinson





When I first arrived, I went inside to get my ticket for the 2:00 p.m. tour and then went around to the back of the main house and out to the garden to eat my lunch. I bought a small baguette, an orange and a bottle of water at the deli up the street.


I learned later from our tour guide that Emily Dickinson, though a recluse later in her life, was not a stranger to her family. She was very close to her father, though from her letters it is theorized that Emily's relationship with her mother was chilly and strained. She adored her brother Austin and sister Lavinia and forged a strong friendship with Austin's wife Susan.




This beautiful old tree is to the left of the house as you come up the path from the garden. Though a recluse, Emily didn't stay in the house all day and write poetry. She kept quite busy in the garden, tending the animals and baking. She was known to adore her brother Austin's three children and spent a great deal of time with them.



The main house. We toured Austin Dickinson's house next door as well but I can't manage to upload another photo, as blogger is not working again for me today.


Tulips in the garden.

The experience was two hours well spent. Of course, I'm a bit of a geek about these kinds of things so I had a great time.

If you visit the area and you're into Emily Dickinson, histori places or other components of geeky tourism, I recommend you visit.

Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. ~ Emily Dickinson

Namaste'

Pronounced NamaSTAY.

Rainmaker from Musings of A Creek Dipper by Victoria Williams

I'm not sure how the song fits in but somehow it does in my mind.

I'm not tending to turn into a new age spiritualist in any big way but this greeting and all that it implies, makes perfect, beautiful sense to me.

Margaret Atwood On Religion Part 1/3

In this interview by Bill Moyers, Margaret Atwood discusses the themes in her novel The Handmaid's Tale. Atwood is one of my favorite writers. I'm awed not only by her talents as a novelist and a poet but also by her remarkable intellect, her perspective and her articulate voice. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have. If so, parts II and III are just as riveting.