You may or may not know that my daughter, now 22, happily married and working her way toward graduate school, is a lesbian who came out as "bi-sexual" at age 16. As if the rejection of several of her peers, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her then boyfriend who become irate and deranged when she told him she thought she might actually be a lesbian and not bi-sexual after all, and a parallel bi-polar episode, weren't enough to make her want to kill herself - add to that the what-if of if I were a strict Mormon and added the beliefs of my screwed up church to conservations with my daughter, even while I loved her. I would have lost her to suicide. I know that with every fiber of my body. I know myself and there is no way I would choose a church's doctrine over my child's life and well-being.
My daughter and daughter-in-law, taken during their college graduation week-end in 2009
Be aware that the Mormon church continues to advocate the use of Electro-Shock Therapy for people who are coersed into "treatment" because of their "problem" which had to be caused by the individual him or herself.
I feel for anyone who loses a child and I encounter the affects of that hurt every time I interact with WP's sister who lost her 25 year-old daughter to suicide in 2005. I know the pain my family and I went through knowing our daughter didn't want to live anymore. What I can't understand is why a person can't wrap their heads around the situation and understand that they have to do everything they can to save their child. If one's child is physically ill and needs many changes in order to live, wouldn't you go to the ends of the earth to try to eliminate or add anything you could possibly think of to save them or even to make them comfortable? Then why not chuck the church and the toxic friends and open lines of communication in order to save your child?
If I were a gay teen living in a strict Mormon household, I'd kill myself too.
I can only second what you have said here. It must have been terrible for him.
ReplyDeleteWell, I may just have gone and shot my mouth off like Roseanne Barr did about the suicide of Michael, Marie Osmond's son.
ReplyDeleteThere is no proof that he was gay and according to his friends, he wasn't. But at that age, even if he was wondering, why would he come out? His mother may be "pro-gay" but it doesn't change how her son may have felt about himself if he questioned his sexual orientation. He was raised a Mormon.
Okay. I do have very strong feelings toward the Mormons. If I jumped the gun, like big-mouth Roseann, it's because it hit home. I'm not a big celebrity like Roseann so I don't think I'm "hurting" the Osmond family or anything.
Ugh. Now I feel terrible about the whole thing; especially that another young person took his life because he was depressed and quite possibly - gay.
http://www.queerty.com/was-marie-osmonds-son-michael-blosil-one-of-our-own-20100301/
ReplyDeleteI just wonder. And if MO is supportive of gays, why does she continue to be part of a church that wants to see them dead?
*grins* no worries, dear one, i like it when you shoot off your mouth! xoxo
ReplyDeletei am an ex-mormon, believe it or not, and know quite a lot about their attitudes, most especially toward the mentally ill and those who are gay, in fact, that is the main reason i left, i was very ill as was my young daughter and one of their leaders shot his mouth off, no no, he REALLY shot it off- about how mental illness should not be treated with drugs but with prayer, blah blah blah and something was morally "wrong" with those who had depression and/or mental illness that "they" could help and NO therapist should be involved! can you imagine that???bullshit!--i was so furious i could barely keep it shut but i kept my mouth shut until i could get up in front of the whole damned congregation and tell them exactly what i thought of them and their church and it's stance on the mentally ill, and i was crazy enough to make it very clear....they actually had to drag me off the "stage"--i quite enjoyed myself as i watched the red light flashing on the podium which meant to sit down...damned if i was sitting down! i had about 20 minutes to berate them for their own lunacy toward all people who are not like them, deranged in their selfish, small-minded overblown egos and 'godhood'!
so when i heard about this boy killing himself, at 1am, my heart bled as i knew a bit about him and the family...tho i don't believe marie is 'active' in the church anymore nor has been in many years, she did divorce a "priesthood holder"-another no-no, i can't know that for sure and do know that her brother and everyone else is...so the sweet kid was definitely put through hell for his feelings...can only imagine the father and don't want to.
i could go on and on about this but won't, we both understand the meaning of mental illness with our kids as my daughter is also bipolar and has been suicidal many times, hospitalized 7 times for over a month at a time and almost died twice on two separate occasions--the whole thing stinks and is very very sad-what was striking about this was apparently there was a whole room full of kids at the place when he jumped out the window but he had left a note for a friend, someone who i feel probably understood his pain but she was late to arrive...i am sure he suffered tremendously for most of his life. ... this is probably stupidly naive but perhaps, with the osmond power in the mormon church, there will be some who stand up for him and his feelings and start a dialogue they won't be talked down ....one can hope but i wouldn't bank on it.. :(
There is so much intolerance in the world. It breaks my heart to know that our young people are driven to suicide because someone or society tells them they aren't normal if their sexual orientation goes against what some call 'normal'. Who are we to judge? We need to accept one another's differences and love each other for it, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI see a certain "fundamentalist bent" to the Mormon Church which is entirely consistent with destructive intolerance.
ReplyDeleteNot that the Catholic Church is any better. I'm so glad we didn't "cave" to my Folks' pressure to raise our girls in that scene. I shudder to think what might have become of our struggling little angel if we had.
It hits home with me, too. These people and these organizations that make it a practice to disapprove of specific people cause them huge amounts of harm.
ReplyDeleteI lost my dearest friend to suicide, which option he took after the know-it-alls shot their mouths off about what he really needed and what they thought would "make him right."
A friend once said suicide comes out of anger. I didn't want to hear it at the time. Couldn't. I think I am beginning to get it. The sad thing is, these self-righteous killers (May I call them that?) don't ever get the point.
I'm so relieved that you who have commented understand my rant. I felt kind of badly after - that perhaps I was focusing too much on myself. I had only even known the news yesterday, Sunday. This one just wasn't on my radar - perhaps because I don't follow celebrities? Anyway, I've had more time to think about it and now all I can feel is pain for Michael when he was living and for his mother Marie Osmond, whom I'm sure wonders what she could have done.
ReplyDeleteTo Linda: I didn't know that you were once a Mormon, but boy did you ever show them! You are such a lioness when you need to be, dear Linda! One reason I love you so. It's so good to see you leaving comments again. Looking much forward to the next painting; whether it's tomorrow or three months from now.
To Denise: it makes me weep. Our children who should be cherished and loved unconditionally, face intolerance - from their families, their church, community, peer group, friends. They are actually AT RISK to die because of the pain of intolerance and the constant grinding down of their psyche by hateful people. Our children are killing themselves due to bullying, exclusion, sexual humiliation. We have to everything to make them stronger.
To Sandy: I'm sorry for your loss and the pain. I'll have to think about suicide coming from anger. I think it's probably a whole bunch of things - or can be. Fear, isolation and despair probably play a part. I think suicide as a result of anger is often seen in people who make attempts to kill themselves, knowing they may fail. But jumping out of 8th story window, sounds like you want to be truly dead.
To CR: if we had caved in, it would have been merely superficial. There is absolutely no way that an institution could brainwash me like that - against my better judgment as a mother - nuh-uh; no way. I don't think either of us wanted the slightest connection because the Catholic church is just as bad. I didn't think too much about gayness in those days, other than it completely didn't bother me. What bothered me most about the Catholics at that time was the news starting to come out about the abuse of children. Then there was the stance about no birth-control. That is just freakish to me - that they should be encouraging bringing unwanted children into the world.
I don't know too much about Marie Osmond's son's suicide, but whatever the case, I agree with what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know about this until just now but I agree with you. That things could get so bad is just heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI think your posting made excellent points, and I don't think you did anything wrong.
ReplyDeleteI know that the guy's friends didn't know about him being gay. Sadly, the environment of Mormonism made the guy too uncomfortable to come out, especially at a young age like that.
The lack of disclosure as to the reasons why he killed himself also should set off bells on the subject of MO's son being gay. The lack of disclosure plus the media's coverage of that lack of disclosure was very familiar from so many times when closeted gay men died of AIDS, and their sexual orientations were ignored or denied (e.g. Arthur Ashe who supposedly was infected by a "blood transfusion."
If you are gay in America, you learn by so many examples how to read subtext. I hope for the day when we know longer have to do that.