Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It Breaks My Heart

I'm still on vacation! When I'm on vacation, my Lovely Man, WP always makes sure to indulge me in one way or another. Perhaps I'm easy to please, but when it's around 1:00 a.m. and I can't sleep, he senses that and invites me to watch a movie with him. I just love him so. Hold on a minute, I'm now going to interrupt his conference call to give him a hug. :-)

That was early this morning. We watched Robert Altman's Thieves Like Us. I must've been content after seeing Shelly Duval, one of my favorite actresses of that era, because I conked right out until about a half-hour ago. Bliss. To sleep until just after nine when ordinarily The Adorables (my little students) are sitting bleary-eyed before me as I tell them what day it is and what sorts of torture we have in store for them. For some reason, they keep coming back every day anyway. ;-)

This is supposed to be a post-Valentine's Day sort of tribute or ramble, or something. I'm really losing my way here. May I just put it plainly?

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of those mean-spirited, narrow-minded, fear-mongering, twisted people who are the force behind trying to brutally beat into the ground marriage equality in California. They won't do it here in Massachusetts because they wouldn't dare. We'd kick them out on their collective, pointy little ear.

Look at the happy face on my beautiful kid! How can anyone have the cruel heart to try to take that bond away from my daughter and daughter-in-law? For those of you who do not already know, they were married at San Francisco City Hall back in October, in the hope that Prop 8 would not pass. They currently live at college in Massachusetts, where marriage is legal. The couple, however, plan to move to California for graduate school, so it made sense for them to marry in California. After the passage of Prop 8, however, their union is uncertain. They're preparing themselves for inevitably seeking a domestic partnership instead.

I want to encourage you to visit Thorne's World, where I saw and borrowed this video to share with you. Thorne and her wife are dealing with the same issue as my daughter and daughter-in-law. And please meet Thorne - she'll make you laugh and cry and shake your fists; and you'll love every moment of it. I promise.

And to those people who have taken to wearing such huge boots to trample on the happiness of others: I'm Sick of You. (There's also an Iggy Pop song with the same title, but it was Lou Reed's song I was really thinkin' about.)


  1. You and me BOTH, Sister!

    So the California Supremes will hear oral arguments on March 5th, with skads of amicus briefs being filed in support of throwing Prop 8 back into hell, from whence it came.

    I'm cautiously optimistic, but still quaking in my boots - this is The Big Test of whether or not a slim majority of voters can constitutionally rescind the rights of a specific minority.

    If Prop 8 stands, the ramifications for our Democracy are dire indeed.

  2. You know I'm right there with you my friend

  3. This one is a real tear-jerker. It should be, damn it!

  4. a man/woman during life.

    the hate that people have, especially the hate cloaked in god and love(ha!)make me sad and angry and hurt and afraid.

    they are cowards hiding their fears and bigotry behind their "god!"

  5. Great post. I'll check out Thorne's World. Thanks for the link. Great choice of song also :)

    Hope you are enjoying your vacation!

  6. How in the world can gays and lesbians marrying hurt anyone? I don't understand it, Sphinx!

  7. all of us must do our parts- gay and straight- to fight for the rights of gay marriages everywhere. it's not a religious issue. it's a civil liberties issue. just as biracial marriages of any sort where illegal just a few short decades ago- i have a feeling we may just win this fight. the next generation isn't having the homophobia. hold on- let me go fish a link out of the google reader...


  8. I'm so glad I can leave comments again. I'm even more glad that I watched that video. Very beautiful. I LOVE that shot of the two guys in white suits, one of them in the most gorgeous rose colored vest! Fantastic.

    These remind me of a wonderful couple we know at Daughter's dance studio. They own and run it - it's a magical place, and I love every moment I spend there watching, waiting, chatting with others who also love it. To me it's a symbol of where we're headed - the world our children will know. It will be better, as ours now is better in so many ways than the Jim Crow years.

    "Love will prevail." Oh yes.

  9. I got a couple of blogs that might interest you, both from women in Northern CA. Neither is lesbian, but bothy are keeping a careful eye on Prop H8 (my pet name for it) for their own reasons. One of them has a sister in the same boat as your daughter, the other ... well I don't know what the dog is that she has in the fight, but she's in it.

    Lara's the one with the sister facing forced divorce if Prop H8 isn't defeated. I haven't visited her in a while, which I really should remedy very soon I think because she's always got something thoughtful to say.

    Kay is just a radically cool blogger who's been keeping a weather eye on the legislature and the Court and probably knows as much about the topic as anybody I know personally. And she totally rocks as a human being.

    If nothing else I'm sure you and yours can find a sympathetic ear there, and probably an active one too. I'm probably not the best one to address the subject of marriage -- regardless of the makeup of it. It's never worked out so well for me, but I'll defend the right (for someone else) to get into one to my grave.

    Hmm... I wonder what kind of YouTube video I could come up with for that one...

    Have to give it some thought.

  10. Well, then, hello to everyone!

    Sherry: I think things have come a long way. California is very stubborn about gay marriage. It's both the state that gave us Harvey Milk and one that sees the passage of an amendment to deny a minority the same civil rights as the majority. Sigh. Big place, isn't it?

    Hey, Harriet: thanks, Tracey! I am enjoying my vacation! I'll be art bloggin' from NYC, so stay tuned. Thanks for coming here, for this post, today. :-)

    Betmo: I see huge changes in the way young people view same sex relationships; married or otherwise. The young are more open-minded about many things. It IS encouraging, damn it!

    Steve: have you been having trouble leaving comments? I hate that. The blogs I have the most trouble with leaving comments are a few other blogger blogs where the text verification doesn't kick in. It's really frustrating. But that mustn't have been the problem you were having, since I don't have verification...oh, I don't know. It's such a waste of time when things go wrong. And I have so much I always want to say to people! I don't like feeling deterred. ;-)

    I like this video because of the large cross-section of people that it shows loving each other. These people want to stay married. What's the problem, people??? It just makes my head pound.

    Mojo: I know Kay's blog. I don't know how I stumbled on it but Kay also reads Lisa's That Why, so we may have read each other's comments there. I've relatively new to Kay but I've enjoyed every post I've read so far.

    Lara, I will have to check out. You make it easy with the links all right there and everything. Brilliant. Good for HTML klutzes like me. ;-)

    As far as marriage. It's not for everyone. I always respect so much when people know that it's not for them - straight or not.

    I've done it once and pretty much sucked at it. And here I am insanely, really, contemplating doing it again. "There's still time to back out", I still think. "Will things change?" my brain screams. But no one should get in the way of anyone's marriage. It's just wrong.

    Thank you for coming by. :-)

  11. The self righteous ones are the worst of all. I keep hoping the idiocy promulgated by half baked beliefs will stop. It should stop. There are too many important things people should be concerning themselves with.

  12. I spend a great deal of time and effort on my marriage. I don't know where these people find the time and energy to worry about other people's marriages.

    Love isn't subject to size, color or gender.

  13. I Looooove you, PS!!! I mean, if I tell the truth, I think marriage as a legal thing already violates the separation between church and state, but hey, if straights get it I should be able to also. Please don't try to tell me that I'm "equal but separate" like was legislated for people of color. Grrr.... Thanks for passing it along love and always happy to see another pic of those beautiful happy daughters of yours! Muaaaah!

  14. I'm overwhelmed by the incredibly rich people I've "met" here. Honestly. How could I have met Susan, Thorn, Steve, Bobbie, JCF, Betmo, Mary, Dianne...who have I left out?

    You guys are so incredibly wonderful. I'm now beginning to think that I wish so much that I could meet you all for real and throw big hugs around each of you!

    Alex: Really! Relationships are so much hard work for anyone; straight or narrow or gay and wavy. Who has the time is right!

  15. I have posted extensively on this over at the group blog, friends of Jake. If you go over there and search on "Prop8", you will find many of my posts on this topic. You wll also find a blogbadge supporting gay marriage, which I encourage any and all to post on their own blogs.

    I won't quote too much from them here, but I will point you to a few specific posts that sum up how it feels to be me.

    My beloved and I were married in October on the happiest day of my life. My thoughts on being married here. Nov 4th was the saddest, and we held each other all night and cried and cried, leading to our current ongoing agony.

    I'm particularly outraged at efforts by the Pro-H8 forces to hide who they are. They claim WE are terrorists--and you should definitely go see this Youtube video scolding Christianist conservatives for complaining that they are "bashed", because they are critcized. Poor babies.

    Tell that to the lesbian woman in Richmond who was repeatedly raped and subjected to anti-gay slurs a few months ago.

    I feel completely dehumanized, as the court takes up this issue. Who else has their marriage, this fundamental component of who they are, decided by the courts? HOW DARE the voters of California turn me into an object, in a campaign of deliberate lies? And while we willendure, because we have no choice, we will not forget.

    I am also outraged that the movie MILK was not released until after the election. Have you seen it? If you have any interest in this matter, you simply must. I think that the election might have tilted had MILK come out in October. I'm very mad at the producers. But I'm also mad at our community, for not remembering Harvey's lessons. More detail here.

    I am not hopeful about the courtcase overall. I ahve read a lot and talked to a number of people involved in these issues of consitutional law, and they mostly think that on the face of it our case is not strong. This is not being challenged specifically on the grounds of equal protection, remember. And that means an angry, divisive, and very expensive campaign again in 2010.

    The only good thing is how it brought the community together...surprisingly, the protests have been positive, almost joyous in an odd way. Being part of 25,000 brothers and sisters, straight and gay, marching for rights is pretty amazing.

    But the biggest difference is how I feel no longer part of any broader community. I feel de-citizened, rejected, outcast, and angry. I am much more activist and blatantly OUT than I was before and I don't give a dam if it offends some religious bigot to see me kiss my wife. I see people on the street, on the freeway, and I think, maybe you're a bigot. And I see a "Yes on 8" sticker on a car and i give them a long, hard look.

    And I wonder if the guy who cuts me off or tailgates too close does it because of the "No on 8" sticker on my car.

    This has deeply deeply damaged CA and regardless of how the courtcase goes, the damage will continue.

  16. The haters tick me off royally too. The world should be so grateful to see the joy and love of your daughter and daughter-in-law. We are all enriched by them.

    Alas, we cannot force the willfully blind to see what is before them. "Perfect love casteth out fear," if I may cite a Bible verse I was raised on. May love abound in every form and fear fade away before it.

    Paul the BB (not posting from home today)

  17. IT:

    I thank you for your long and thorough post. I did see posts on other people's blogs and I think I visited you when you congrataled my daughter on her marriage. In any event, I wish you both eternal love. I only wish that love weren't marred by the haters, as Paul said below.

    The anger and sadness you feel, I hear from on a constant basis from my daughter. I have held her in my arms while she cried bitter tears about being the target of hate, bigotry and perhaps even violence. I worry incessantly about her safety, well-being and mental health, as well as that of other GLBT people.

    The video you pointed me at made me cry; more so even than the It Breaks My Heart one I posted. I know about the violence already and it never ceases to make me feel angry - particularly too, because it has been shown that violence and other hate crimes against GLBT people are at their peak around times when The Haters have won due to their spreading of hate and misinformation.

    I will add Friends of Jake to my blogroll. I don't know why I haven't done so already and I thank you for the reminder.

    I'm afraid I don't hold out much hope either for Prop 8 to be defeated. My daughter has extensive studied constitutional law and knows the ins and outs of this case and she is not very optimistic either. We had a chance to get it right last year and they killed it. They freaking killed it and they killed the spirit of so many men and women and their supporters. Because you're right, in 2010, it will be another devisive battle. This has been going on far too long in CA. It's a blow. A real blow to the state. Sigh.

    It is a dreadful feeling to be treated like this or to see a loved one treated like this. Hearbreaking.

  18. Paul: this isn't the first time I've benefitted from your kind words on this subject. I thank you from the depths. I really do.

    The biblical passage you quote is a good one to have been raised with. Thank you.

  19. That picture of your daughters is breathtaking...they are a picture of love....

    You inspire me deeply Gina, Thank you for all that you are and do in this world...

    I think the post at my place called 'write love' might interest you... its along these lines...

    Love to you and yours always, M


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