Monday afternoon: in the dentist chair for an hour having two fillings done - Drill, Baby, Drill. Ugh.
But there was a pleasant surprise later that evening: my daughter, Supergirl Two, age 19, and I had an IM chat where she thanked her dad and me for raising her with enough freedom to allow us to find ourselves but always managing to keep us safe. Blew me away.
One traumatic, life-changing event we were unable to prevent and I still find fault with myself as a parent over it: my older daughter, Supergirl One, was raped when she was sixteen, while on a date with a boyfriend. This triggered the bipolar disorder which, while far from dormant, perhaps would not have erupted with a vigor that landed her in a succession of psychiatric wards over the course of two years.
Despite all of that, I was able to breathe a giant sigh of relief in hearing from my daughter that she was okay with the way we'd raised her.
Tuesday morning: caught my hand in the ancient garage door that must have been designed long ago by the Marqi de Sade. Excruciating pain. Ice. Off to work. Very glum all day with the pain and not too happy regarding some of the things I had to deal with at work.
This morning was a real roller-coaster of emotions for me which, of course, I had to keep under wraps all morning until the kiddos went home; which today was early. Thanks for small miracles. The afternoon went much better. I am currently engaged in a strong attempt to get to know and understand a co-worker who has posed tremendous challenges for me for two years. When we talked this afternoon, I felt a wall had come down between us and it felt quite good - to both of us, I think. There are other barriers to try to overcome but I'm encouraged.
Like a lot of us out there, I've hit an all-time low over what's happening with the campaign. I've been alternately angry and depressed and today, while listening to John McCain on the radio, I engaged in a loud, angry outburst in my car, which didn't help the headache I've been fighting off all week. What the fuck are we going to do?
I'm sure you've figured out the upshot: I've had a really crappy week so far. But this evening, I felt turned around a bit. How I can tell is that I have begun to smile over that compliment from my daughter, instead of continuing to blame myself for not keeping them safe enough. And I now have an incentive to proceed with my goal of trying to reconcile my differences with my co-worker in a way that is comfortable for both of us.
Hope. Sometimes it takes me days to find it. At one time it took me years.
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