Monday, July 7, 2008

What's Goin' On



As some of you may recall from this post my mother is due for a visit at my house. I'm actually picking her up at my uncle's house, 50 miles southeast from me, where she's been visiting for a couple of days.

If you read the above linked post, you may also recall that sometime during this visit my daughter, Supergirl One, will be breaking the news to her grandmother that she is gay and is planning on being married next Spring. My mother is likely to take the news very hard and we've been more than a bit anxious over it for weeks now. The moment of truth will soon arrive. Sigh. Wish us luck.

I also wanted to tell you that I'm not sure how clever I will be at juggling my mother's visit with blogging. I may do some late-night quickie blogs but I'm unsure how everything will go and how much energy I'll have at the end of each day. I will certainly let you all know how my mother, Maria, takes the news of SG1's marriage plans, as soon as I have some clarity on the whole thing.
Right now, all I feel is a sort of trepidation. There are so many barriers: generational, cultural and even language is an issue, as my mother's English has steadily gone downhill since her move back to Portugal from the U.S. in 1987.

A united front is what the Supergirls and I have decided will be our tact. A united front on the issue with a lot of love, understanding and compassion toward my mother; who will need support as well. I don't know who she will talk to about this to air her own feelings. Knowing her, she will not say a word to any other family members or friends. Naturally, she will want to talk to me. I don't know how I will maintain both support for Supergirl One and support for my mother. If the players were different, it would be one thing but this is my mother, with whom I've struggled on many fronts over the years. The last thing I want to have happen is for me to get defensive and irritated with her. She deserves more from me.

I will keep you posted. I just don't know when...

20 comments:

  1. Wishing you and your family many well wishes during this trying time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, family interaction is always messy. That's what makes it interesting. I believe that as long as everyone stays in love and tolerance, your mother will come around just fine.

    After all, it's not like SG1 is announcing that she's stopped being human to become an SUV. She hasn't changed species. She's gay, she's in love, and she's young. Your mother may be all kinds of things, but she won't stop loving her granddaughter.

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  3. I hope it goes well. It sounds like it has the potential for a stressful situation, but maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised. It seems like grandparent/grandchild relationships are often less complicated than parent/child relationships, so that may help. I'll be thinking about you all.

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  4. don't worry about posting! just take some time to fuel up and relax

    I think divajood said it best when mentioning love and tolerance - on all sides for each other

    and ed hit another important point about the less complex relationship of grand/to child.

    Bottom line - SG1 is who she is and that is wonderful.

    and on we go

    all my love and empathy. I've been there - and trust me, black doesn't have a closet ;)

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  5. My very best wishes to you all.

    Much love.

    God bless.

    Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You're all going to be alright. You love one another. That's the first and most important thing. We'll all be thinking of you.

    Love,
    Bobbie

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  7. whew!!! no easy answers there. i think half of the battle is already won because you know your mother well- and you know that you and the supergirls are going to be united. people have a way of coming around after having some time to think things through. the shock will be what you all will have to face. she loves you all and i have faith that your love for each other- as a family- will win her over in the end.

    good luck! i will check in whenever you post. no worries.

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  8. just do the best you can and let the fates do the rest.

    there is much love that will bind all of you.

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  9. You said so many thoughtful and considerate things in the course of your posts about this, it's obvious that you're putting a lot of effort into getting this as right as possible. Bless you for being so on top of this before it even comes down; I believe that by doing so, you've made a great outcome inevitable.

    Love and patience, My Friend. And the strength which comes from knowing you're right to support SG1.

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  10. I agree with all the fine comments and along with everyone else wish you, SG1 and your dear mother all the very best.

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  11. I send you, SG1 (and 2 too!) and your mom my every good thought, wish and intention.

    You are entering untread territory and many of us out here send you so much support and love.

    Don't worry about blogging and just let us know what you can when you can.

    Peace and light in great abundance.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you all so, so very much. I have only a moment before heading off on a little excursion with my mother.

    I cannot tell you what a comfort you all are to me. I don't know that it would be possible to otherwise know so many caring, supportive people.

    Peace and love to each and every one of you.
    Gina

    ReplyDelete
  13. p.s. i have catching up on your blog... this is very new for me. i was anon. the other day who wrote about squirrel nutkin. just checked back, and well, i'm not anon anymore. i just want to wish you all the best luck with your mother and your daughter. i am hoping that she will surprise you. my cousin is married to her lady (i really don't like any of the terms floating around- partner, for example-- sounds like you're lining up for recess...not so into lady either well, i digress with semantics). she is not out to her parents, but i outed her to my parents who basically knew anyway. they were phenomenally accepting. i am hoping that your mom will be the same. i agree with the person who said that grandparents/grandchildren can navigate relationships far more easily than we parents sometimes manage. anyway, my thoughts are with you and sg. love trumps all in the end. even if mom needs a little time to process. hopefully sg can give gramma a little flex room, too. i'm hoping you have figured who i am. suffice to say, i am a very very very old friend. oh-- congrats on the second time around. i'm going to do it for the second time as well next summer. this time with eyes and heart wide open. i digress again. take care, be calm. it WILL work out... com amor. i am kind of a dolt i'm not sure how to get my email address on here... email me. lil.feench@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. I hope it all goes much better than you expect. Love triumphs, but sometimes it takes awhile to see that. Praying for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lilfinch, it's so good to not have entirely lost contact with you, and equally good to hear that you're getting to The Next Thing. Life flows on, doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  16. lilfeench (if my instincts are on target, that sounds like "little finch" pronounced with a Portuguese accent) :-)

    I knew there was something familiar about that Squirrel Nutkin comment!
    I will be in touch with you, my old friend!

    Love,
    Gina

    ReplyDelete
  17. I just wanted to drop in and tell you I've been thinking about you and hoping that your visit with your mother is going well.

    ReplyDelete
  18. DCup: Thanks for thinking of us, luv. So glad to see you come by.

    To everyone: I so miss going to all your blogs. I don't even wanna know what I'm missing. ;-) I hope to catch up with you soon.

    Love,
    Pagan (Gina)

    ReplyDelete

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