What's Goin' On

There are a few things I intend to do differently next holiday season. The thing is, I'll have to add them on top of all the other things I did this year. It's something to think about.

One of the things I missed this year was my mother. She spent Christmas 2006 with us and visited this past summer from Portugal but it would have been great to have her around. Still, I know she was in many ways happy to relax and not go on any long trips.

Another thing I intend to try to add; notice the emphasis on try. When TCR and I were married, whether my parents were visiting or not, I prepared a Christmas Eve Portuguese meal of cooked salt cod, potatoes and greens, dressed with olive oil and red wine vinegar and a lot freshly ground black pepper. Crusty bread and white wine are essential with this meal. But in my new blended family, no one likes salt cod and we had extra company this year on Christmas Eve. It was quite busy. I enjoyed it but I'm still having a hankering for that salt cod! I'm hoping to pick some up tomorrow so it will be ready to cook on Wednesday. Sherry really got me going with her Italian family's version of bacalla (salt cod). The squid just about put me over the top with longing for Atlantic seafood. Sherry, won't your relatives agree that the little tentacles are the best part? :-)

Hopefully SG2, who is having four impacted wisdom teeth removed, is well enough to enjoy it. On second thought, I think I'd better wait and see how quickly she comes 'round from the surgery. She's not very keen on the idea and is experiencing a bit of anxiety. It's going to be a tough case for the Nurse Mother. Wish us luck. When all is said and done, if we're still speaking, it'll be a miracle. ;-) She knows I jest.

Another thing to try to adopt next holiday is no presents. None at all. Not even small ones that we agreed upon and some people (you know who you are! ;-) go ahead an buy more elaborate gifts anyway. But I must admit I'm not complaining about the new cordless headphones WP surprised me with. Hooked up to my computer, I can so far walk from the bedroom where the laptop is and into the kitchen to pour more champagne. I don't like it when I start to want too many things. And yes, I've been a bit of a lush for two delicious, decadent days. Hehehe. The fun stops tomorrow. Yup. An aching mouth and minus four teeth later, I will be called upon to nurse duty for sure. I suppose I have to put a twenty under her pillow, too. ;-)

WP, his daughter M visiting from San Francisco and I took a drive over the mountain into North Adams to visit Mass MoCA. It was great entertainment. The company was good. It'so nice to see how happy WP is to have his daughter home for the holidays.

There is a Sol LeWitt exhibit at MoCA that knocked my socks off. There are lots of pictures posted to a Picassa online album.

Terrarium Heads:
Wayne (WP), Gina (PS) & Mari (M)

(you can barely see me in the middle; my hand i around Mari)

And stay tuned for a Artist of the Week post on Sol LeWitt.

What did you do today? And how was it?

You're Really Super, Supergirl!

Happy 20th Birthday to my Winter Solstice Baby, Supergirl Two
With Love

Mashing Yams on Thanksgiving

That's Really Super, Super Girl

XTC

A Song for Supergirl

Boston Day Trip

I had a great day in Boston with my daughter SG2 who is a sophomore at Boston University. It was in the mid to high 60's, cloudy and breezy. People were out in droves.

SG2 and I decided to invest in time together and not try to take the T anywhere too far from her dorm. So we walked around Newbury Street together and poked in shops full of things we cannot readily afford. Then lunch at a cheap, pretty good Thai restaurant. Followed by a lot of walking in Boston Common. And we chatted up a storm and held hands a lot. What a sweet, affectionate, assertive, level-headed and deep-thinking person I helped to raised. It's hard to believe. Almost 20 and thinking so much about her future. It's all she talks about. I'm getting all sappy and teary-eyed now, so I'm just going to show you some photos from our day together.

Make Way For Ducklings Sculpture

Public Garden
Boston

SG2 Walking

What's Goin' On

Life is mostly peaceful and boring; just the way I like it. Our autumn has been spectacular with some seasonal rain but otherwise lots of sunny, warmish, blue-sky days. I've been taking a lot of pictures and otherwise enjoying my surroundings and the company I keep.

Last night we unearthed the flannel blanket, down comforter and fuzzy socks. When I awoke late this morning, warm and smugly under the blankets, I could feel the chilly morning air on my face. Something about fall that makes me happy, is this. We are determined not to use the heat until it's absolutely, truly cold. It's good that this early 1950's house is tight and well-insulated. And there is something to be said for conservation by dressing warmly instead of going straight to the thermostat.

SG1 decided some weeks ago that she would be taking a one year break before applying to graduate school; a move I whole-heatedly support. Her Beloved is currently applying to several graduate programs in California, with an almost sure shot at San Francisco State University. She's really hoping UCLA and if she is chosen, she will likely go there.

Oh, my.

My daughter going to Los Angeles? Yikes. She grew up in rural Western Massachusetts. She attends college in bucolic surroundings. Yet, I know she is well-suited to city life and will adapt. Access to public transportation will certainly free her, as she does not care to drive - at all. As in, never obtained a driver's license. Going everywhere on trains and buses will broaden he world. She will occasionally venture off to another campus for an event but otherwise is fairly well cloistered at Mount Holyoke. Well, cloistered physically but broadened intellectually to an extent that I never was in college. It's what she wants and adores. I'm happy she's realizing her dreams but also taking care of her mental health (bipolar disorder). She's ruled out law school completely and will apply to combined masters/ph.d programs in gender studies. She'll likely end up teaching at a college or university and living a faculty life.

SG2 is laboring on at Boston University and alternates between complaining she's sick of school when she's stressed or awaiting the results of an exam or paper, in which case she's always worried she's messed up somehow. But then when she's surprised that she did better than she thought (which almost always), she feels okay again about moving forward with college until graduation. She has a job which pays for sundry things, which really helps her dad and me out. Actually both girls have work-study jobs to help out.

It gets a little freaky thinking about likely more than doubling my current loans for the last three semesters of SG2's college education. Yikes.

Another installment in the Chronicles of the Empty Nest. :-)

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A few little notes to blog friends:

Ed at Enriched Geranium: I've decided to wait until Friday to post about his band The Motor Primitives. I'm going to combine the post with The Friday Evening Nudes. Hehehehe. ;-) You'll see.

Jood at Journeys With Jood: I haven't forgotten about the cool awards you've so generously given me and that I will post about that in the next day or two.

Beth at Cup of Coffey: Ditto an your meme.

.

Here are a few photos I took today

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Corn Stalks at One End of The Green River Bridge


The Green River Timber Bin Dam


Corn Stalks Green River, Vermont


Corn Stalk Silhouette



A Sign Along The Way


You shall know the truth
And the truth shall
Make you odd.

Flannery O'Connor

Have a great week, everyone!
Peace
Wellness
Love

Oh, The Love

When I posted the photo of Peter Gabriel in the previous post, I couldn't help but detect a resemblance to The Cunning Runt, which I think also did not escape DCup, judging from her comment. Here he is with our daughter, Supergirl Two. Aren't they cute?

CR was in an auto accident this weekend. He's fine but why don't you go on over and give him some Super Love, okay?

On Anger

I used to have a lot of anger problems. A lot of it had to do with depression, which for me, caused irritability and angry outbursts. I'm not so prone to anger any more but I continue to think about anger and its potential to creep up on me and interfere with my new-found (relative) freedom from it.

I think one reason for the abatement of anger in my life is that I'm in a very good relationship: one where I can be myself and still feel I deserve the love and attention I get, even when I'm far from perfect. Another reason is the maturation process. In terms of feeling peace and acceptance, getting older agrees with me.

Where I continue to struggle is in my reactions to people when they express anger, especially when it seems misplaced and misguided. To me. If I see little reason in the anger and negativity beyond that which I can change; even in myself, I then feel a strong need to eschew that person and cut them out of my life; at least to an extent that is possible. I've done that with a relative; with whom I have to stay somewhat in touch but with whom I no longer engage in bitter struggles with myself over. The other came more recently. I decided that what I'd gained from the relationship was so old and stagnant, that it didn't merit the time and attention I would need to give the person to try to understand their anger and negativity. I've asked myself if this was selfish. And I'm still trying to answer that question.

One of the things I've discovered in attempting to answer that question is that the anger displayed toward me personally by others, which goes beyond what I can do myself to turn it around, just causes me to become angry back. It's all too much a reminder of how angry and defensive I can become in the face of what I consider to be unfounded anger on the part of others. That isn't to say that anger hasn't been directed at me personally in the recent past which has gone ignored. It has and sometimes with just cause. In those cases, where I value and love the person, I'm working on seeing their point of view on what makes them angry at me and I try to change that, if I can. Sometimes it takes several conversations and strong emotions and a lot of work. But it's worth it, for the other person and for me.

But I have to admit that otherwise, I avoid angry, negative, defensive people whenever possible. I wonder if I'm depriving myself of lessons potentially learned or if I'm preserving my energies for those struggles that are really worth it.

We all become angry, frustrated, irritable and defensive at times. Mostly toward the ones we love and care about the most. I understand that and I'm trying to learn from it. Is it selfish of me to avoid those other, peripheral angry people? Or is this protective mechanism a good thing for me.? I have tended to conclude the latter most of the time. But I go back and forth. Avoiding the angry has worked for me. I admit that it's worked for me because I honestly lack the emotional energy to take it on. If it's one thing about depression that has stayed with me and no amount of peace or happiness or medication can take away, it's a limited amount of emotional energy. I don't mean the happy kind, as I'm sure you might guess. I mean the negative, complex, exhausting kind. Again, it's the people I love I try to save this emotional energy for. Even then, sometimes it's difficult to rise to the occasion as well as I'd like to. Sometimes I even fail miserably. I'm working on it.

I'm mostly concerned about how unavoidable, peripheral people affect my attitude toward anger and toward myself. For example, at work. I work with one person on my team who presents a lot of challenges for me. I can't avoid her, so how do I deal, right? She doesn't overtly express anger but instead engages in what some would and have called passive-aggresive actions. I have tried to ignore them, I have tried to talk to her about it (without referring to her as such) and have gotten nowhere. It causes me to worry about my own responses,which are mostly directed inward. I have so little to go on as to why I cause this person to be so angry with me, as she refuses to be forthcoming about anything that I can change. I can only guess and say it's her problem but it doesn't make the situation any easier on a day-to-day basis. It sucks so much energy out of me to deal with her. And deal I must - as in, next week when school starts again.

What role does anger play in the quest for self-awareness and inner peace? What do my reactions to anger say about me? How do I avoid defining my life as a series of emotional struggles? Or should I just accept it as such; both personally and as part of the human condition?

I have more questions than answers, as usual. Though I have far more of a clue than I did years ago in even asking these questions. For that I'm grateful.

Dinner

This is my first-ever food post. What the hell, everyone needs to do at least one food post in their blogging life, right?

Supergirl Two and I made pesto with the basil from our garden. It was tough old basil, I tell you, but ground up with pine nuts, cheese, olive oil and garlic, there were no complaints when it came to eating it! We also bought local, organic greenhouse tomatoes and fresh mozzarella, sliced them, arranged them, added black olives, lots of black pepper and ate it all with gusto.

SG2 would not let me take her photo because she thinks I'm indiscreet about which pictures of her I choose to post. I guess I can't be counted on to put her best face forward. But I'm her mother and I think she always looks perfect. So there you have it; tonight's dinner.

Also a note to you all. I've had quite a bit of spam lately. For instance, describing myself as shy in one of my blog posts, generated a couple of emails from folks trying to sell me "get over your shyness" programs. The usual medicine show, internet style. So, starting tomorrow, I will be screening comments, at least for a while. I don't want to come back from vacation and have the blog riddled with unwanted comments.

We're packing up and putting things in order tomorrow and leaving for Nova Scotia on Thursday. W.P. and I have decided to take his work computer (which I have mixed feelings about) but he promised he'll only do the Wi-Fi thing occasionally. When he does, I will likely check in and even maybe read a few blog posts.

So long everyone! I'll try not to come back and bore you with too many Nova Scotia pictures but I know I won't be able to resist posting at least a couple of the highlights.

Peace & Love,
Pagan

Concert in the Park

After our family picnic yesterday we packed it up and went down to our town park for a benefit concert of local music. The night was hot but breezy and it was a very groovy scene. The proceeds are going to help support our local community theater, The Shea.

Headliners The Alchemystics. Excellent reggae, hip-hop and dub. Heavy grooves, great vocals, and positive messages.

(below)
Lin Preston’s Musical Time Machine

The band leader has an amazing voice reminiscent of Nick Lowe. The band sound is loud but melodic rock; all original material.
This dude has star-power. It seems he was once a rather good Elvis impersonator. The drummer is the talented Nick, Supergirl Two's boyfriend. This is a band that's going places, I think.

The lovely Alice, W.P.'s mother, diggin' the show

Trot, Trot To Boston Town

Boston, Massachusetts

My trip to Boston to visit my daughter, Supergirl II, at Boston University was a total success. Too bad the photos I took were not.

We had lots of plans originally but

when we got together, all we wanted to do was talk. We shopped a bit on Newbury Street. She bought a little dress (size 4) which, I'm guessing, hardly had room in the bodice for one of my breasts. She's tiny, like her paternal grandmother, Bella. A most adorable little lady. I am 5' 6" and larger framed, though proportionately, both Supergirl II and

I have long, slender feet. I am the one with the red toes and no tan.

We were both a little discouraged by the unkempt nature of our dirty little feet, so we indulged and got pedicures. This is only the third time in my life that I've ever had one. I'm either a low-maintaince kind of gal, or, just plain poor. The latter, more likely, as I love having my feet tended to. I will admit to finding the experience heavenly.

We then had dinner at a yummy Thai restaurant on Newbury Street, talked and talked and went back to her dormroom and took a cat nap. Next thing you know, it was time for me to get back on the T, to the commuter train back to Leominster where my car was parked and drive the 50 miles to home. All together this trip, this way, is three hours one way. It's an hour faster to drive if you know where you're going to park and you can handle the madness of Boston traffic. I'm more willing to waste time than try my nerves, so this is my typical way to get to Boston.

I have to thank Supergirl II's dad, The Cunning Runt, for braving Boston traffic and the many hassles of moving a child out of a dorm room on the fourteenth floor of a dorm on Commonwealth Avenue; for in two weeks that is exactly how he will be spending his Sunday. I'm lucky. I get to help Supergirl I move out of her room at the beautiful and tranquil Mount Holyoke campus. Not so lucky is the part where I help move her from MHC right into a room at UMASS Amherst for summer session, on the same day. It looks like I'm not escaping my share of Crazy this time. Supergirl I thinks we can accomplish the move in one car trip. I'm incredulous.

I Will Be Your Mirror

written by Lou Reed
In anticipation of his concert next Saturday, I've been on a Lou Reed kick. This is dedicated to my daughter Supergirl Two who gets starry-eyed when she talks about Nico.

I love you.

Your Mom